The Non Sequitur

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  “ how was your night of slave programming? ”
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  “ how do you create a hashtag? easy, just mail Twitter your suggestion and $5 consideration fee. include a SASE if you would like your hashtag suggestion back ”
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  “ your ass is grass ”
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  “ Explore and learn from your gratitude data, so your life can be more awesome. THIS IS NOT NEGOTIABLE ”
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  “ Document the things you are grateful for right from your mobile phone. DO IT, FUCKER! ”
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  “ i am not a charity for your stupid ideas ”
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  “ i will not listen or help you out unless you write up some test cases for your sadness ”
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  “ “Work like you don't need the money, love like your heart has never been broken, and dance like no one is watching” ”
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  “ that's like, your opinion dood. ”
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  “ two of your biggest, blackest ones please. ”
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  “ hello, i love you won't you tell me your shoe size? ”
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  “ one weird old tip to increase your girth, discovered by grandma ”
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  “ granny cakes - in your bum socket ”
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  “ basically it was like being 50 years old and an 18 year old picks you up at the bar and takes you back to her place only you realize that you forgot your viagra so you spend the whole time showing her pictures of your kids and sucking on her tits ”
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  “ how was your google interview? did you revert to snail form? ”
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  “ I just ejaculated blood onto my wife's sister's face. That's what you get for sleeping with your brother in law. ”
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  “ i'll beat your bongos, barton. ”
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  “ your masonry needs a testicular adjustment ”
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  “ your boobies have nipples larger than the circumference of loonies ”
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  “ ev-uh-ree body put your hands in the air ”